We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
