I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
