We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
