Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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