moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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