i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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