She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
