i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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