No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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