take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
