I wish i was in the wii world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
