you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
