Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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