you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
