That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize