Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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