4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
