I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
