I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
