Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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