Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
