Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
