it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
