I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
