I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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