I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
