I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
