So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
