i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize