once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
