Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
