Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
