Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
