Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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