Someone shit on the floor
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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