You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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