we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
