i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
