I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
