the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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