Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's get the cat blown out
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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