we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
