Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
