im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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