Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
