guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
