Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
