I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
