This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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