There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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