I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
