One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
