PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
