Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
