I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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