If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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