Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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