You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
