....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
