He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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