Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
