The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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