Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
