i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
