So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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