what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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